Poetry of Life

 Alanna Wiest wrote her first book when she was 3 years old. When she was finished, she handed it to her mother and asked her to have it published.  

That first attempt never was printed, but the 34-year old Wiest didn't gave up on her dream, despite the fact that she went on to spend more than 19 years dealing with the symptoms and treatment of mental illness that was first diagnosed when she was just a teen.

Her first book, “The Other Side of the Mirror,"  is a recently published collection of 104 poems, most of them written about her illness and many written during times when she was hospitalized for its treatment.  The book’s title comes from her perspective of the distorted view of reality that would appear from looking through the wrong side of the mirror.

“I’m a little nervous, but excited,” she said about her first book signing which takes place at on Thursday night. Originally, the store told her to bring only 30 copies of the book, but a few days ago they called back and asked her to increase the number to 100 after recent stories about Wiest and her poetry have attracted interest beyond the “local authors” table.

“I think it’s a book for all people,” she said. “I want people to understand that mental illness is a brain disease. My motivation behind sharing this book is to open people’s minds and to help lessen the stigma for people with the disease.”

Wiest has taken a long road to get to the point where she can envision herself as an advocate and educator for mental illness. She was a sophomore at a private high school when she first started experiencing depression, the first sign that something was wrong. Before that she had no indication of the path that her life would take.

An accomplished equestrian, she has been riding since the age of 5 and competed in her first show when she was 10. She envisioned a future that included a career as a professional rider. She became a qualified jumper rider at 15. When she got sick, her riding got put on hold as she and her family desperately tried to find answers to explain what was happening to her.

“My mother did all the research,” Wiest recalls. But when she went to the doctors to ask them what was wrong, their answer was a frustrating “We don’t know.” It wasn’t until she was 19 when she was finally diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which combines schizophrenia and mood disorder.

“When I first found out, I freaked out,” she said. “I couldn’t believe that this is what I was dealing with.”

It’s been a long road since then, including over 30 hospital stays along the way, but Wiest is excited about the direction her life is taking with the attention her book is getting.  She has already scheduled five speaking engagements as a result, including one for NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), and one at the veterans hospital in Northport. She admits that she does get a little nervous speaking before these groups, but she is ok with it and grateful for the opportunity to share her story.

In Northport, she spoke only for about 10-15 minutes, but then spent more than an hour answering questions from the audience. “People want to know about my experiences.” she said. “And how I’ve dealt with everything from the prejudice of other people to my own fears and insecurities.”

For most people, the perception of someone with mental illness does not include an accomplished writer and artist (the cover art for the book is one of her paintings and she has had shows in New York City and on Long Island). She has also turned her love of horses into a business that includes teaching hunter-jumper and riding lessons, taking care of clients horses and working part time as a veterinary assistant. This is what Wiest wants people to understand. There are many aspects to her personality. Mental illness is something that she has to deal with, but it has not stopped her from pursuing and accomplishing many of the dreams that she has had since childhood.

Wiest’s poem’s reflect the fear, anxiety and uncertainty that she has experienced during her years of battling mental illness, but they also offer a view of survival and finding hope and life in her journey.

On Thursday night Wiest will have her copy of “Zoo on Mars," the book she wrote as a toddler. She laughs at the suggestion that she publish it now that she’s older, but it’s clearly a symbol that mental illness has not stopped her from pursuing and accomplishing many of the dreams that she has had since childhood.

Wiest is excited about what the future holds for her. She hopes that her book is the beginning of another chapter in her life - one where she can share what she has gone through and learned because of her disease.  She is eager to share her story with anyone who may find comfort and hope in her words.

A DROP OF RAIN

A drop of rain
On this parched land
Needing the moisture
Dreaming of wet
Spring will come soon
Then all will be lush
The leaves will prosper
In this world of ours
Soon the flowers will come
Beauty will be renewed on earth
All we will see
Is all we can love
Soon winter will leave
Life will awaken.

-Alanna Wiest